Dreams to travel the world in style.
Ask me anything
Beauty junkie. Perfume addict.
Frustrated traveler. Food enthusiast.
Book Worm. Watch collector.
Shoe lover. Music partisan.
I just have to make this post before I start getting things done which is the root cause why I am stressing, I am still figuring out how to get things done.
To be exact, I am still thinking on how to get a part of my work done. It is a different story when there is too much work to do with so little time and huge project at work which you have no idea how to do.
Add them both and you end up not having enough sleep, tensed feeling, and exhausted brain even before work week starts. To be honest, I even tried to make an effort in enjoying the vacation/long weekend I had because all I could think of is work, on how am I going pull this one off.
I just really need to figure out how to do this thing and I’ll be fine. I am handed this project with nothing (briefing, manuals, etc) so I’ll have to exhaust all resources I can think of just to get this thing done — surprisingly, an idea came into my mind just now (oh how I love writing, makes me sane)
Hopefully, by the Lord’s grace and mercy, I can get this work done before the deadline, again hopefully, before the month ends.
Okay, I will have to prepare now because I need to be at work 1 hr and a half early than my regular time to finish another set of work (the perks of work life, if that’s how you like to call it)
I don’t hate the Lord for this, not even my parents, environment I grew up in, myself or my partner. The partner whom I have planned everything with, the one and only man I wanted to spend the forever with.
Then this happens. A battle where no one really wins, a challenge that no one really gets out of alive, a reality that I have to face - Religion.
I ask myself why. Why do I even have to face this fate? I don’t hate anyone but I cannot help but feel a twinge of resentment over everything that is going on right now.
I cannot help but feel hatred because I am required to decide and of all the decisions I’d have to make, this is far by the hardest and the most painful.
I know whatever decision I’d be making it will bear me so much pain. Why. Why do I even have to go through this. I wish I was just dead than have to live through this, cause that’s how much it hurts.
A month and few days from now I will be in my silver year and questions start to bombard me (yet again). Questions on almost anything about life. My life. I have always been, or most of the time, over analytical. I over analyze things and I wonder if this is overanalyzing.
Are the questions in my head a product of over analysis? One thing’s for sure, I am definitely not alone in a path like this. When I was younger aging was just a form of number to me. 7,8,9,10 but as years pass by and the number increases, I started to realize that with age comes, not just wisdom, experiences and realities you never knew you’d have.
Realities - Where should I be at this age? What should I be doing? Am I where I want to be?
When we were younger we were so idealistic about our future. Well, I was. I was too idealistic that reality seemed to vanish. I tried to think I would be at my best at this age and at the peak of my career. Then work came, reality kicked in. It is not rainbows and butterflies afterall rather it was an experience that made me wiser.
I was never scared of aging, until now. Because we can never get back the years that have gone already and on my silver year, I don’t want to waste time anymore. Not that I have wasted years of my life but I should put a halt on the “carefree and you are young so you can still do anything you want” stage.
I can do what I want but this time with calculated risk. When I hit the big 3-0 I want to say that the past years did not go to waste and I am happy to embrace the 3-0. I don’t want to be dreading 3-0 because I have not done what I want yet. I don’t want 3-0 to be my wake up call.
So let my silver year be my wake up call. Where would I be now? What should I be doing now? More important question is, how do I go to where and what I want to be?
I’ll see and I’ll do what it takes to get there and be there, wherever or whatever that is.